Entertainment News
"The Onion" Satire Site Folds
Milwaukee, WC -- The beloved humor site "The Onion" has announced that it will be ending its 17 year run later this month, citing financial troubles and declining revenue. More...

WP Politics
Tom DeLay Hospitalized with Acute Irony
Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas) was rushed to a local Washington D.C. hospital to undergo emergency surgery to his skeletal system. The representative was stricken with a case of Dramatic Irony when it was learned that in 1988 his father had had his feeding tube removed with his consent and been allowed to die after being in a similiar vegetative state as Terry Schiavo, the woman who's life DeLay was trying to prolong despite the wishes of her husband. More...

WP Sports
FCC Chief appalled by Monday Night Football's towel incident, delighted at new twins commercial
Federal Communications Commission Chief Michael Powell said in an interview today that he was appalled by what he saw during the opening of Monday Night Football this week, but delighted at the hot new Coors Light Twins commercial. More...

Consumer News
Hooters to open restaurant in San Francisco's Castro District
San Francisco, CA -- After posting disappointing numbers for the last fiscal quarter, the popular Hooters restaurant chain is trying to expand into new demographic areas in an attempts to broaden the kitsch appeal of their restaurants. More...

WP Entertainment News
Sit and Spin Zone: Bill O'Reilly to publish erotica book
The multitalented host of Fox News' The O'Reilly Factor has been working on a collection of erotic short stories that he plans on publishing under the title The Sit and Spin Zone: Caribbean Vacation. More...

Election Coverage 2004 - "Unnatural Selection" - Short
Karl Rove's arm to be surgically removed from Bush's ass
Washington, D.C. -- In a three hour emergency procedure late last night, Presidential Campaign guru, Karl Rove, had to have his arm surgically removed from the President's rectum and lower intestine following a rehearsal for the upcoming Presidential debate. More...

WP World
President Bush found beheaded, unharmed
MOSUL, Iraq -- Police have found the decapitated body of President Bush in the northern Iraqi city, police and hospital officials said on Tuesday. He is apparently unhurt despite being kidnapped several days ago and flown to Iraq to be beheaded as a strong political statement to the US and the world. Unfortunately the stunt backfired when Bush's headless body got up from the ditch, dusted off his suit and hailed a cab for downtown Mosul. More...

WP Editorial
Homeless people hogging all the shopping carts
There's nothing more annoying than going to the store only to find that there aren't any shopping carts to use. If you're lucky, you might find one on the other side of the parking lot and then you have to walk all the way over there to get it. How lame! More...

WP Nation
Bin Laden adds support to lifting of assault weapons ban
Somewhere-istan -- Osama Bin Laden released a statement in support of the lifting of the assault weapons ban in the US. More...

More Headlines
Bush team decries Kerry's use of intelligence during debate
Debate rehearsals pay off for Kerry and Bush
Some documents in Bush's past apparently forged
Violent A's fan stopped by heroic player
Kerry describes war injuries to Boston Herald
Bob Dole to draft War Wounding Guidelines
Mutilated horse found outside of GOP NY Headquarters
Cosby to continue "Slam Tour", releases show dates
Bremer’s off color speech nearly derails Iraqi constitutional talks
God punishes Ashcroft for anti-gay marriage stance
Scientists close to breaking the genetic code for “values”
Ashcroft issues subpoenas to the unborn