Tuesday,
May 26, 2004
Cosby
to continue "Slam Tour", releases show dates
- Blix Panda
Following his much talked about performance last week at the
Brown vs. The Board of Education ceremony, Bill Cosby’s
press agent released upcoming tour dates for the comedian’s
“Slam America Tour.”
The Wired Press obtained a copy of upcoming venues as well as
a sneak peak at some of the material Mr. Cosby has been preparing.
According to a written statement from a spokesperson for Mr. Cosby
each show will have a different theme. In other words a different
“slam” of a different ethnic group at each stop on
the tour. As yet only five stops are planned.
June 17th, Philly / What is up with the Mexicans?
“ Mexicans have missed out on a lot of opportunities.
Opportunities given to them by black Americans, in fact. Not many
people know that. Why do you think it was called Brown versus
the board of education? We were trying to get them in on the deal.
And what have they done with it? They squandered it in on lowriders
and bad cologne. And what is it with their clothes? There are
colors other than Khaki you know. And for Christ’s sake,
pull down those white socks from around your knees, boy.”
June 23rd, Miami / Are Asians Insane?
“Here is a prime example of a troubled people.
Have you ever been to their houses? What are these people eating?
Who eats the head of a fish? Come on, you are in America now,
you’re making good money, throw the bad parts away.”
June 27th, Atlanta / Blacks Part II
“I had a minor debate with myself whether I should
call this “Blacks II” or not. Half of the blacks in
America don’t know Roman numerals. All they know about is
Roamin’ around collecting welfare checks and smoking crack.
What kind of name for a drug is “crack?” Crack. The
word itself means something is broken. I guess that is where the
glue they are sniffing comes in to play. I don’t know.”
July 4th, Chicago / Michael Moore and other Fat Whiteys
that Think They Know Everything
“I am sick of fat white people like Michael Moore
and Rush Limbaugh talking like they know all there is to know.
They don’t know doo doo. How can I trust someone that can’t
control his or her food intake with thoughtful social observation?
Huh? I mean come on boys, why don’t you look at yourselves
first before you go poking your fat white noses into other people’s
lives? I guess I did a little too good a job selling that Jell-O
Pudding, huh?”
July 10th, Dallas / Arabs are Good For Nothing
“Arabs come to this country with one thing in mind:
nothing. That is the best I can figure, because most of them sit
around in their convenience stores and do nothing all day. Driving
around in a taxi, doing nothing all day. Owning junkyards and
scrap metal lots and doing nothing all day. You got to do something.
And learn how to dress would you? You don’t have to wear
your shirts all open and unbuttoned like that, with that mess
of hair hanging out for the world to see. I know you’re
a man. You smell like a man. No need to flaunt it. You know, that
is why them Arab suicide bombers strap the dynamite to their chest
in the Middle East. If they are going to meet Allah then they
want to look all nice and clean so they need to be sure that mess
of hair is blown off first.”
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