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SAN JOSE, California - Apple CEO Steve Jobs was attacked early Thursday morning by Yoshiro Hirimoto, an Associate Product Manager for Microsoft. Mr. Jobs suffered severe lacerations and according to UC Davis Medical Center is still in critical condition. The attack is being called a grave misunderstanding.

Doing the honorable thing

Hirimoto apparently took an 11 am meeting with Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates. In the meeting Mr. Gates discussed how to better streamline Microsoft's Japanese operations to compete with the enormous popularity of the Macintosh in Japan. He offhandedly remarked, "…maybe it's time that we cut jobs."

After bowing several dozen times, Hirimoto immediately booked passage from Seattle to San Jose, California. Mr. Jobs, while looking for the morning paper in the flowerbeds, was attacked with shurikens and a katana by what he described as a "Ninja-like" assailant, wrapped in black clothe and brandishing smoke bombs. Hirimoto surprised Jobs by leaping over a large topiary giraffe with the aid of cables that were later edited out with computers.

Hirimoto has worked for a variety of electronic gaming companies and is actually well respected in the industry for designing such games as Shinobi, Samurai Showdown, Romance of the Three Kingdoms and Karate Champ.

When asked about the incident by the Wired Press, the actor Pat Morita, of Karate Kid fame, was quoted as saying, "What the hell does this have to do with me?"

The attack was thwarted when the time allotted for the stage ran out and Hiromoto had to start over again. Confronted with the shame of facing Bill Gates after failing to dispose of Apple's Shogun, Hirimoto committed Seppuku with his own blade and was pronounced dead upon arrival at a local hospital.

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