South Korean skater, Kim Dong-Sung, shocked the Olympic community by finishing ahead of American Apolo "uh-oh" Ohno. That evening Chief Referee, James Hewish of Australia told reporters about his decision:

“America has been through so much since the Terrorist attack on the World Trade Center. They clearly deserved to win this event.”

The defending world cup champ Dong-Sung shocked other competitors with his confident attitude prior to the race, by exclaiming, “The Donger needs food!”, as well as referring to a female American skater as his “sexy American girlfriend”.

Apolo’s mother, Yoko, expressed her pleasure over her son’s victory by announcing an album of experimental music inspired by his gold medal race. The music will consist largely of the sound of lactose intolerant midgets farting onto wind chimes. The double album will consist of one version recorded in the light and another in the dark.

 

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