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The food and drug administration announced today that after three years of intensive research they have determined that beans are not magical and certainly not fruit. This announcement comes as a devastating blow to small children everywhere, who are left wondering what other song they can now sing over and over again to annoy the piss out of their babysitters.

The study comes at a very crucial time in the trial of a farmer who lives in the German countryside who is accused of trading several allegedly “magical” beans to a young boy in exchange for the family cow.

“I kept eating and eating them but I only farted once and I didn’t really feel any different than usual,” said the young victim.