President Bush, just a week after completing a 3 mile run with an average of 6 minutes 45 seconds per mile, today confirmed that his exercise and fitness training has helped him dodge accusations "in the blink of an eye." His new found speed and a new "juke" move have helped contribute to this.

"It just seems as though there's nothing that can stop him," said an astonished Jane Carlson of Baltimore. "The Enron scandal seemed to lead right to him and his prior knowledge of 9/11 looked like it was going to knock him off-stride. He wasn't even fazed.

"With this kind of mobility and stamina, he might as well get him some interns or drill for oil in a national park."

Political experts have said that if Bill Clinton had been in the same shape as Bush is now, his term wouldn't have been tarnished by an impeachment and he would still be banging interns in his Harlem office.

 

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