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MyDoom, the latest in destructive viruses causing destruction via the internet, has become the fastest spreading worm ever, according the British firm MessageLabs. The worm, which has already spawned a more powerful variant, is being intercepted at a rate of 100,000 an hour, or one in every 12 emails.

Mothers and executive assistants alike are saying that this is the trickiest virus ever, in which one only has to click on the attachment in order to spread the infection. The email comes with body messages such as: "The message cannot be represented in 7-bit ASCII encoding and has been sent as a binary attachment." This fools the recipient into clicking on the attachment and sends admins across the world into a frenzy, trying to protect their networks while cursing the infected users under their breaths.

"The wording on these emails is getting really tricky," said Kelly Martin, executive assistant for a bio-tech company in Redwood City, CA. "I mean, it comes with all this technical mumbo-jumbo. How am I to know this one isn't real? Look, this one says it came from Bob. Bob would never send me a virus."

Martin, who has helped the spread of the last 13 viruses including sobig.F, costing her employer thousands of dollars in time and money, says she normally turns off anti-virus protection because it "totally bogs down" her instant messages and web surfing. She also says it sometimes interferes with her Kazaa downloading. Tristan Marvin, the sytems administrator who works with Kelly, says Kelly is simply a victim of ignorance with an unfortunate lack of common sense.

"Do not open attachments from people you don't know. Only open expected attachments. I'd hope that by now these idiots would figure it out. 'Here is my new game. I expect you like it.' Who talks like that? It's a goddamned red flag. I mean, give me a fucking break."

Symantec and McAfee, creators of the most popular anti-virus softwares, have quickly issued updates to protect from these new viruses, but say that more variants would emerge just as quickly as they release updates.

"These viruses are getting better at what they do," explained Jeff Fisher, spokesman for Symantec. "Not only are they getting better at fooling recipients, they are getting faster and the technology behind them is getting more sophisticated. MyDoom is probably the best virus we've ever created.. err.. discovered.

"Someday we will rid the world of these annoyances. Just as Bill Gates is determined to wipe out spam, we, too, are committed to making the internet a safer and more enjoyable place. This is what everyone wants."

Mr. Fisher then winked with a sly smile while patting his engorged wallet.

In related news, a spokesman for Noah's Bagels says business is back to normal after the 'Bagle Virus' scare of last week.

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