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the Wired Press > Archives

Friday, June 15, 2001

State of Texas accidentally executes Satan

HUNTSVILLE, Texas.- At 12:00 AM Mountain time, just under a week since the execution of Timothy McVeigh, the state of Texas mistakenly put the Prince of Darkness to death by lethal injection. Religious groups throughout the Midwest are outraged and anticipate loss in revenue in the billions.

The San Francisco based Church of Satan plans to sue the State of Texas for wrongful death and has retained Johnnie Cochran, a long time friend and associate of the Dark One.

Isn't she a beaut?
The Accuser of the Brethren

A spokesminion for Mr. Satan revealed to the press today that Beelzebub, who suffers from chronic back pain, was caught at the Texas/Mexico border with a tin of medical marijuana for which he had no prescription. Satan was only supposed to serve a short sentence, check himself into an outpatient drug center and do a public service spot.

Things went horribly wrong when The Mighty and Mysterious Beautiful Dark Lord Possessor of My Soul was then mistaken for the notorious mass murderer "Chuy" Diego Diaz, nicknamed "El Diablo".

"Chaz", as he was affectionately known by family and friends, was just 2873 years old when he died and is survived by his dog Bocephus and his great great nephew Justin Timberlake.

 

Kobe Beef Injections - Consent optional


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