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(WP) - In what is said to be the worst natural disaster in history, Mars today slammed into the Earth killing all 6.3 billion people early Thursday morning. This past Wednesday, Mars was supposed to have been the closest it had been to Earth in nearly 60,000 years. Astronomers and amateur astronomers alike celebrated this event with large gatherings and parties worthy of Star Trek conventions, peering through large telescopes at our red neighbor. Even with the naked eye, Mars could be seen as what appeared to be a very large and bright star, outshining anything in its corner of the sky.

Only 34 million miles were supposed to have separated the Earth from Mars on August 27th, a figure now in question. Although the margin of error was somewhere in the 3 million mile range, none of the research performed by the many nations partaking in this historic event showed even a remote possibility of this happening. Charred fingers are now beginning to point as the world ponders who is to blame for the complete and utter destruction of the our planet and the human species.

"We don't know what happened," stated the now deceased orbit expert Myles Standish, as he sifted through his paperwork. "We've been calculating everything since last December and we've checked and rechecked our work. Oh. This is interesting. Did I forget the carry the one?"

Although this will go down as the most catastrophic event known to mankind, many of the dead researchers are looking at this with a glass that is half-full. It is now a fact that there was life on the Red Planet, if even for a millisecond.

The President of the United States, George W. Bush, was awakened from bed at 4:51am Thursday morning, with what he described was a "huge jolt" and "ball of human-flesh-searing flames." He was then quoted as saying, "Oh, shit."

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