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the Wired Press > Archives

Monday, July 1, 2002

US Goalie blames God for World Cup loss

Just a week after getting their hopes for the World Cup shattered by a lone German goal, Goalie Brad Friedel blamed God for the disappointing outcome.

"God had blessed us up until that point. Nobody in the world thought that we could make it this far. Many other countries consider us a joke and also feel that since our country still does not give a rat's ass about soccer, we didn't deserve to win. We were hoping that by winning the cup the sport would gain more respect in our country. God just didn't come through."

The US had made it the quarters with their best showing since 1930. They beat Mexico in a thrilling 2-0 match only to be defeated by the Germans in a match that only amounted to one goal.

The US started the second half strong, but still could not muster up any kind of score.

"They seemed to be relying on Donovan too much. I've heard many say that he could have played smarter. None of the critics seem to be pointing the finger at God though. He just didn't show up," said sports analyst George Knowles of the Washington Post.

"We thought we could count on the Lord to show up ready to bless in the second half. A group of us even kneeled to pray during the break, but nothing. Not even one simple goal. I'm chalking this one up to Him. Did I go to 14 years of Sunday school just for this, for Him to let us down?" Friedel asked.

Many athletes thank God for their performances and for the blessing to be winners. This marks the first time that a player has blamed God for a loss.

"This reminds me of the time I prayed for snow. I prayed night and day. Not one flake. I have lost all faith. Where do I turn now?"

Spokesmen for God had no comment on this accusation.

In related news, Jesus was spotted wearing a Brazil team jersey just before Brazil's triumphant win over Germany.

-Jehovah

 

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