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FOXBORO, Ma -Yet another controversy has marred the AFC playoff game between the Oakland Raiders and the New England Patriots. A loyal Patriot fan suffered a fatal heart attack in the overtime of the Patriots stunning playoff win and died instantly. Apparently disagreeing with God’s call, his wife, a devout Roman Catholic, buzzed God via the new electronic rosary she purchased from the Home Shopping Network.

The play that killed

The new rule, instituted this season, stipulates that if a Christian believes that God’s holy will is carried out in error, they can challenge the act. If found to be true, the act is reversed and everything is "as it once was”. If God's will is found to be just and true, then the challenging Christian will be immediately “incinerated by a combination of fireballs and lightning and will spend eternity in purgatory sharing a small studio apartment with Al Davis”.

The guy, what’s his face, was supposedly choking on a pretzel when he had the heart attack. According to his wife he hadn’t actually placed the pretzel in his mouth, but stopped mid-bite to sip on his soda. But after further review by Saint Peter, it was determined that there wasn’t enough visual evidence to overturn the heart attack. Pontius Pilate, Head of Officiating for Heaven and former Chairman of the Board for the Enron Corporation, explained the rule in an interview on ESPN following the game.

“If the motion to bite is made, even if the mortal ends up in a sip, it is still considered a bite and the mortal is at risk for choking and subsequent divine intervention.”

President George Bush won a similar replay challenge just last week.

The instant reply has always been a source of controversy, since critics claim that it interrupts the flow of life. Andrew Wyeth challenged the death of his wife Ethel, who choked on a jujube at a USFL playoff game in 1977. He argued that his wife was in the middle of a sneeze and hadn’t actually placed the candy in her mouth, though she had made the motion to eat the candy. A review by the head official, The Holy Ghost, disagreed and Mr. Wyeth was assessed a time out and his everlasting soul.

“Al Davis is the worst roommate ever, “ said Wyeth. “He leaves his dentures on the couch sometimes and you don’t realize it until you sit on them. He’s always listening to old Public Enemy records really loud and he smells like adult diapers.” He added, “Those gold chains on his sunglasses just have to go. Who does he think he is, Flava Flav?”

- Clark Brandon