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the Wired Press > Archives

Tuesday, May 1, 2001

Bush voted "The Weakest Link" during Executive Branch week

George W. Bush, better known as the leader of the free world, was the first player voted "The Weakest Link" Monday on an Executive Branch version of the show.
Isn't she a beaut?
Dubya casting his vote


"We decided to have the most influencial people in American politics on the show," stated Phil Gurin, one of the show's executive producers, "how could anyone have ever guessed that the esteemed leader of the United States would have been the first to go?"

The Weakest Link is not just another import from the UK to bombard the American culture. The show is described as an uproarious laugh riot, a nonstop thrill ride of wacky hijinx and an innovative cross of Who Wants to be a Millionaire and Survivor. Contestants answer a series of questions and vote off who they think is the worst player, hence the clever title "The Weakest Link."

The title itself is a brilliantly crafted direct metaphor associating the aforementioned contestant with the metal link with the lowest structural threshold to withstand force applied equally in opposite directions, in contrast to the other links which remain strong and do not break under the same aforementioned pressure, thereby retaining their integrity.

Players earn money for their team for every right answer, and lose all of the money when a question is answered incorrectly. You can only keep money if you have told them to "bank" it.

Condoleezza Rice, the first runner-up to the winner, Colin Powell, told WP that she knows Bush is a very intelligent man, no matter how he might appear to the general public.

"George is always tossing in witty remarks when we are in a staff meeting. Like the other day, when we were discussing possible Taiwanese arms sales, I know he said something witty…well, hmm…I can't think of it right now though."

Dubya looked very confident before the first round, even trading humorous banter with the show's host, Anne Robinson.

The problem was George's inability to answer all of his questions. Statistically, he was the weakest link, fumbling on 3 questions.

The questions, according to White House spokesman Ari Fleischer, were actually pretty tough for first rounders, "at least for a third grader."

"What does the acronym 'U.S.' stand for?"

"Who was the 41st president of the United States of America?"

"What's the big white house where the President lives called?"

Three questions, three wrong answers. That was all it took for George to be unanimously voted off the stage.

After the third wrong answer, host Anne Robinson seemed for once to be at a loss for word after Bush's performance. All she could manage to say was, "Damn, you're dumb."

As he strolled the "Walk of Shame", Bush, who's nickname in college was "Booger", added his final remarks.

"I thought I really had a chance to win this thing. I mean, what the hell is an acronym? They're going to be sorry they voted me off. I promise that."

In unrelated news, Bush fired his entire cabinet staff citing their lack of expertise in making mixed drinks as the reason.

 

Kobe Beef Injections - Consent optional


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