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Monday, March 8,
2004 In a move that came as a surprise to everyone accept the Vice Presidential Nominee, John Kerry has asked famed psychic and spokesman for the dead, John Edwards, to be his running mate in the upcoming Presidential election. Apparently the official invitation was brief. "Hello John, it's John. I would like to-" "Yes. I know. I accept." When asked why he would chose the Psychic and TV show host over the Presidential candidate from North Carolina of the same name, Kerry replied, "I guess I just don't trust Johns without an H in their name. It's just me. Besides, according to John, my dead grandfather wanted me to pick him, so who am I to argue?" Kerry went on to add, "Just think about all those registered voters that have already gone to the Other Side. If I can get my message to out to the deceased, this could be nail in the coffin of the Bush Campaign - so to speak." Kerry's critics point out that Edwards credibility may be suspect, since he takes advantage of gullible people for a living. Kerry response is, "Well, that's precisely why he should be in politics. His talents are wasted on the Sci-Fi channel." Edwards has already secured endorsements from many Dead Democrats from the past, like Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy and Jimmy Carter. When it was pointed out to Edwards that Jimmy Carter is still alive, Edwards Responded, "How can you tell?"
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