MARS - On a hot tip from Michael Jackson, Vice President Dick Cheney has become convinced that bathing in Martian Oil will restore his youth.

"The Iraqi oil I am currently bathing in is fine, but I think Martian oil could help soften my arteries," said Cheney at a private luncheon for the press.

When asked about the possibility of drilling for oil on Mars, Dr. Geoffrey Briggs, director, Center for Mars Exploration at the NASA Ames Center, told the Wired Press that "NASA is looking at ways to drill on Mars only to look for new forms of life," wink, wink.

When asked why he was winking, he replied, "I have a stye."

Briggs went on to say NASA has been working with Halliburton, Shell, Baker-Hughes and the Los Alamos National Laboratory to identify drilling technologies that might work on Mars.

Though the project is not set to start until 2007, Halliburton has already requested $537 million a week in meals for the ten astronaut crew.

- Clark Brandon

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