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Thursday,
February 12, 2004
President Bush announces strategic name change By Blix Panda In a move to court Hispanic voters in the upcoming presidential election, the Re-elect George Bush campaign team announced that the president would officially change his name to Jorge. The move was made after polling numbers showed that recent immigration legislation signed by the president has proved insufficient in courting traditionally Democratic-voting Hispanics to the Republican side. “It’s all tactical really,” said a campaign official speaking on the condition that he be quoted. “There are a lot of brown people in the gray area of whether or not this president stands behind them in their efforts to secure for themselves and their extended families the American dream.” In another move, the president, whose full name is listed officially as George W. Bush, will also expand the middle initial “W,” to his full middle name, Walker, hoping to garner a larger portion of elderly voters. “It’s simple really, it’s simple really” echoed another campaign official to reporters gathered in the cavernous campaign headquarters. “We want American voters to know that the Republican umbrella is large enough for all people, whether white, brown, yellow or gray.” When taking follow up questions the official was questioned on the noted exclusion of blacks in his statement of Republican outreach. “Sure, we welcome blacks to join us, but we know they won’t, so why bother?”
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